


A Good Thing

by bluemoongirl99



Category: Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Eventual Smut, First Date, Flashbacks, Healing, Josh is an angel, Joyan - Freeform, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, More tags to be added, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, alcohol use, healthy relationship, lots of fluff, meet cute, past abusive relationship, references to past self harm, ryan has lowkey ptsd from a past relationship, ryan ross is a poor soul and a sweetheart whom i love, ryan ross is not a happy pumpkin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:38:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11751273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemoongirl99/pseuds/bluemoongirl99
Summary: “You don’t look like you’re having much fun.” He heard a voice say from not too far away.He turned around to see a guy who looked vaguely familiar. He had a mop of curly bright, unnaturally red hair, although it was short on the sides. He was about the same height as Ryan, but with definitely a lot more muscle tone.“Yeah uh, that’s kind of because I’m not.” Ryan deadpanned, even though he was starting to get angry because when he got home he would have to do a load of laundry instead of just crashing.Or, alternatively, Ryan and Josh meet at a party, and Ryan learns how to love and trust again while old wounds heal.





	A Good Thing

**Author's Note:**

> SO, I wrote this bad boy over a year ago and just recently found it when cleaning out my drafts for college, which is about to start. I forgot how good this is and how much I loved this. I cleaned it up, and I'll probably post part two, and an epilogue in about a week. Hopefully. No promises. Though I do want to finish it. 
> 
> DON'T WORRY! I have not forgotten about Playground Dreams. It was on hold so I could write my Big Bang fic, which I _cannot wait_ to publish. Just wait guys. It's Joyan, and amazing. Anyways. I'm working on the next chapter of this, Playground Dreams, AND the Pete/Ryan fic, along with another spicy Frerard fic in the works. So I'm very busy!
> 
> I hope you guys really like this! Please leave me some comments!

Ryan leaned against the wall and watched the people filter in and out of the open rooms. His head was throbbing from a bass that was turned up far too loud, and he wanted to go home with every fiber of his being. 

He had a stain of beer on his pants already from someone who was way too drunk, way too early into the party. There was a girl with long blonde hair standing a few feet away from him laughing obnoxiously. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe. Only a bit longer and then it would be a reasonable time to leave. 

Ryan picked at a loose thread in his jeans and clutched tightly onto his red cup filled with something definitely not alcoholic. He switched between feet anxiously, a nervous habit he couldn’t seem to kick. He must of been spacing out, trying to figure out a melody stuck in his head, when the same blonde girl came crashing into him. 

She spun clumsily, still laughing, and managed to knock into him, causing him to spill his drink all over himself. The girl apologize half-heartedly before stumbling over to another part of the room. Ryan stared down at the bottom of his now-soaked shirt and gritted his teeth. Fucking Dan and his fucking great ideas. 

He looked around, scanning the room until he saw a doorway that seemed to lead into the kitchen. He made his way to it while holding his shirt out away from him, but it was already getting sticky along the skin of his stomach. 

Thankfully the kitchen was mostly empty. There was only three people in it, and two of them seemed to be in a heated discussion. Ryan grabbed a few paper towels and tried to wipe at the mess he used to call his shirt. 

“You don’t look like you’re having much fun.” He heard a voice say from not too far away. 

He turned around to see a guy who looked vaguely familiar. He had a mop of curly bright, unnaturally red hair, although it was short on the sides. He was about the same height as Ryan, but with definitely a lot more muscle tone. 

“Yeah uh, that’s kind of because I’m not.” Ryan deadpanned, even though he was starting to get angry because when he got home he would have to do a load of laundry instead of just crashing. 

“Do you want a new shirt?” The guy asked, clearly not taking the hint that Ryan wanted to be alone. 

Ryan turned to face the guy again, raising his eyebrow. “Do you just have a plethora of shirts you’re hiding?” 

The guy smiled, big and bright. Ryan was struck suddenly at how fucking pretty he was. Although the familiarity of his face was tickling at the back of his mind, driving him slightly crazy. 

“Something like that,” he said, quirking his mouth up. He grabbed Ryan’s hand, and pulled him out of the kitchen. “Come on.” 

Before Ryan knew what was happening he was being dragged up a flight of stairs that he hadn’t even seen, and then into what looked like a bedroom. Miraculously, it was empty. Which, in Ryan’s experience with parties, seemed to never happen. 

Ryan looked around the room, still trying to take in how he had been in the living room, annoyed, a second ago, and now was in a bedroom, alone, with a very hot guy. The redhead, as mentioned previously, was rummaging through the drawers of a dresser while Ryan was having his existential crisis. 

“If this is some elaborate ploy to have sex with me, I’ll have you know, you have to buy me dinner first.” 

The guy stopped rummaging and Ryan winced, hoping he didn’t go too far, like he always seemed to. 

But instead of the guy punching him in the face for his proposition of gay sex, he just laughed again. It was a nice laugh, Ryan noted. 

“You’re funny.” The guy said pulling out a purple shirt that looked vaguely Ryan’s size. 

“I'm not funny,” Ryan said, taking the t-shirt from him. “I'm Ryan.”

“Hi Ryan. I'm Josh.” The guy, who apparently was Josh, replied. 

When he said his name the pieces clicked in his mind and he recognized who he was. “Oh, you're that guy, in that one band.”

“Man, ever since I sat down at my first drum kit my dream was to one day be recognized as: _that guy, in that one band._ ”

“Oh fuck off,” Ryan said still clutching the shirt. He unballed it noticing a giant unicorn emblazoned on the front of it. “You're kidding.”

Josh seemed to notice the pattern and smiled. God, did his face ever hurt from how much he smiled? “Joke’s on you,” Ryan grumbled. “I actually like unicorns.” 

There was an awkward moment where they both stood there looking at each other before Ryan cleared his throat. “Are you gonna turn around or..?” 

“Oh uh,” Josh shuffled, coughing. “Yeah. I’ll just-” he fumbled before turning around. “Wouldn’t want to taint your precious modesty.” He said, facing the wall.

“Damn right,” replied Ryan before taking off his damp shirt, wrinkling his nose up at the gross sticky residue left on his stomach. He pulled on the bright purple unicorn shirt, surprised to find it fit rather well. 

“You can turn around now,” Ryan told Josh, rolling his eyes. 

“Are you sure?” Josh asked, turning around still covering his eyes dramatically. “I don’t want anyone challenging your modesty.” 

Ryan couldn’t help the small smile that made its way onto his face. He pulled Josh’s hand away from his face. “You know, you’re kind of an asshole.” 

Josh grinned, looking down, and Ryan noticed he was still holding onto his hand. He ripped it away quickly, a blush creeped its way up his neck. 

“Do you wanna go for a walk?” Josh asked suddenly, but casually, like it was no big deal. 

“A walk?” Ryan pressed doubtfully. “Where?” 

Josh shrugged. “I don’t know. Anywhere, away from this house, and all the people, and the lame music…” he trailed off, scratching the back of his neck. 

“Why?” 

“Why not,” Josh countered. 

Ryan opened his mouth to protest, but found that for once he didn’t have anything to argue with. He hated the party, and the thought of going back down stairs and facing everyone was causing waves of anxiety to rush through him. He closed his eyes, praying to God, one he didn’t even believe in, that he wouldn’t come to regret this one pure impulsive decision. 

“Sure,” he said, meeting Josh’s eyes. “Why not.”

+++

“Oh my God you didn’t!” Ryan gasped, letting out a surprised laugh as Josh snickered. 

“Hey man, I was just a poor little acolyte. How was I supposed to know that robes are highly flammable?” 

“You’re a complete menace.” 

Ryan couldn’t help but laugh again, shoving his hands into his pockets. He accidentally bumped shoulders with Josh as they walked along the sidewalk, and within a few seconds Josh bumped back. Ryan bit his lip, trying to bite back a smile. 

Looking up he noticed that they were only about two houses down from where the party was. The music filtered out slightly into the street, but they weren’t quite close enough yet for it to be overbearing. Ryan realized that they had circled the entire neighborhood, and it had barely felt like any time at all. 

When they got near enough to the house that they could see the people swarming in and out, most of them very drunk, Ryan scuffed his shoe against the pavement. Josh stopped walking, and Ryan found himself doing the same. Ryan picked at a hangnail on his thumb, anxiously. 

“I should probably…” Ryan trailed off, jerking his hand to point towards the bunches of cars parked near the house. “Find Dan and…” 

“Oh uh,” Josh said, stuffing his hand in his pockets. “Yeah, I should probably go find Ash, I kind of ditched her.” 

Ryan’s heart sunk. Right, Ash, his probably-girlfriend. Ryan winced, and felt like smacking himself. This is why he shouldn’t be allowed out of the house. “Yeah, so.” Ryan finished eloquently, and turned around, feeling his face burn. 

He made his way up the driveway, passing various drunk stragglers, and back into the house. His eyes scanned the rooms searching desperately for Dan and his familiar light brown hair. After a few agonizing seconds he finally found him in the corner chatting up a girl who seemed to be all curves, with bright blue hair. 

Ryan blinked, trying to place her. Her name was on the tip of his tongue, and he knew she had something to do with music. A Panic! fan maybe? He pushed through the sweaty and crowded bodies to get over to Dan. He grabbed onto his arm to get his attention. 

“Hey, can we go?” He asked, squinting a bit trying to lower the amount of stimulation that was practically making his ears ring. God, how did he deal with so much sound whenever he was playing gigs? 

Dan turned to look at him. “Uh, yeah,” he said. “Have you guys met?” He asked gesturing to the girl with blue hair. 

“Hi!” the girl said smiling. She waved her hand next to her face. “My name is Ashley. Shit. Fuck.” she swore, eyes going wide. “It’s Halsey. Sorry. Still not used to the stage name, I guess.” She giggled nervously, then hesitantly reached out her hand. 

Ryan was a bit taken aback by the formal gesture, but also thought it was rather endearing. He shook her hand and tried to give her a comforting smile, that was really nothing more than the quirk of his lips. “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Ryan.” 

Ashley, Halsey, or whatever her name was blushed. “Yeah I, I know who you are. I’m actually a pretty big fan. Pretty. Odd. was a masterpiece,” she babbled. 

Ryan smiled awkwardly. “T-thank you.” He stuttered. It had been a while since anyone he had met had been a fan of his, and had been so open about it. He glanced back at Dan. “Can we go?” he asked again, starting to feel his skin crawl, and all he wanted was to go home. 

Dan sighed, and Ryan felt a rush of guilt. He didn’t want to be this way. He didn’t want to be this annoying burden on anyone that still cared enough not to leave him. He hated that he couldn’t go out and have fun at a party, and drink, and have a good time like literally every-fucking-body else on the planet. “Okay, yeah,” Dan said, giving Halsey a smile. “We can go.” 

Ryan turned, gritted his teeth, and began working through the crowd again. He felt Dan behind him, and he felt another rush of, this time embarrassment, for being such a screwed up fuck up. When they got to the driveway, nearing his car, Ryan stopped. “I’m sorry.” His face burned with shame. “I’m sorry you have to put up with me.” 

Dan sighed again. “Ryan.” He sounded exasperated, and Ryan absolutely hated it. 

“I-” he started, but was cut off by someone behind him yelling, “Hey!” loudly. Ryan twisted around startled, only to find Josh standing a few feet away from him. He was slightly out of breath, and his eyes looked a bit wild, not to mention his hair was straying crazily all over the top of his head. 

“Josh?” Ryan asked, completely taken off guard. 

“Go on a date with me.” Josh said, still a bit at a loss for breath. 

Ryan blinked. His blood was thrumming through his ears, as he looked at Dan, then back at Josh. “What.” he said thickly, almost uncomprehendingly. 

“Earlier, you made a sex joke and said I needed to buy you dinner first. So, this is me, buying you dinner.” Josh further explained, losing some of his confidence. 

“I,” Ryan said again. “What?” He really was on a roll. 

“Go on a date with me.” Josh urged again, softer. He stepped forward a bit. “I had a nice time talking to you, and I want to...keep talking to you.” 

Ryan opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it. Then closed it again. His eyes were wide, and the small part of his brain suggested that he probably resembled some sort of demented fish. “You want to go on a date with me?” he asked, pointing to himself, because there’s no way that the guy who was funny, and cute, and didn’t seem to have any visibly negative traits could possibly be asking him out. 

“Pick him up at eight tomorrow.” Dan spoke up suddenly, grabbing Ryan’s arm. “I’ll text you the address.” 

“Yeah?” Josh reassured, looking quickly between Ryan and Dan. Then his eyes focused on Ryan. “Yeah?” he repeated, almost seeming to be asking permission. 

Ryan flashed back to all of his relationship failures. To all the tears, the fights, the yelling, the begging and worst of all, the harsh drop in his stomach when he learned they had been unfaithful, even after he had given everything. His eyes burned, but he was brought back to reality with the stunning clarity of Josh’s fire-engine-red hair, that he had been itching to run his fingers through since the very first moment he saw him. It was that, that made Ryan meet Josh’s intense gaze, swallowing thickly, he said, “Yeah.”

+++

“I can’t do this!” Ryan said in panic. His bed was covered in t-shirts, button-ups, flannels, and practically every article of clothing in his closet. Even a skirt that Ryan had bought on an impulse one night online, to which Dan raised his eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. 

“You like him,” Dan reasoned calmly, “and he likes you. I don’t see what it is you can’t do.” 

“This!” Ryan gestured wildly. “Going on dates, and dating, and stressing over what I’m going to fucking wear!”

Dan waited patiently while Ryan hyperventilated on the other side of the room. “Hey Ry, look at me,” he urged gently. 

Ryan snapped out of his own head long enough to tentatively meet Dan’s eyes. “It’s one date. One night. If you have fun, awesome. If it’s terrible, you can go home and forget about it.”

Ryan wrapped his arm around his stomach. He couldn’t help but feel like a scolded child under Dan’s gaze. As much as he wanted to be the guy who could easily go on dates like it was no problem, he wasn’t that guy. He never really was, to be honest, but especially not of late. 

He didn’t say anything, and ran his fingers through his hair. He picked at the skin on his thumb, even though it was already just on the edge of bleeding. Dan sighed, and Ryan hated how exasperation seemed to be Dan’s signature emotion around him. “Look Ryan,” Dan started, rubbing his face. “I’m not going to be around forever-”

He was cut off by a small noise coming out of Ryan’s throat, and him whipping his neck up to look at Dan. Dan at least had the decency to wince. “Shit. That, was not what I meant. I worded that poorly. Fuck. What I’m trying to say is, Lex and I are starting to get serious, and I just…” he pursed his lips, throwing his hands up slightly. “I just don’t want you to be alone. Okay?” 

Ryan crossed his arms, pressing his own lips into a tight line. “You think I chose this? You think I chose being alone, and having to get fucking, fucking plants, of all things, just so there’s one thing on this planet that would be negatively affected if I decided to wake up one morning and off myself in the bathroom!?” 

“Jesus, Ryan,” Dan swore, standing up. “I know you didn’t choose this. I know you didn’t choose anything. You’ve been dealt a shitty hand, but you know, maybe instead of sitting on your ass and wallowing, you should put on a fucking shirt, go on a date, and put yourself out there! Good things don’t just fall into your lap, sometimes you have to work for them.”

“Are you saying Josh is a good thing?” Ryan asked. 

“He could be!” Dan replied, exasperated. “I’ve met him a few times. He’s a nice guy. He could be the best thing that’s ever happened to you, or he could be a lukewarm date. But, you’ll never fucking know if you just stand here panicking all night.” 

Ryan glared at Dan, before taking a big breath and grabbing one of the shirts from off his bed. It was a deep red button up, and he continued to send angry looks at Dan - who seemed incredibly pleased with himself - while he buttoned it. Whatever. Dan just said he had to go on the date, didn’t say anything about Ryan having fun. 

“Are you gonna fix your hair?” Dan asked.

Ryan glanced over at the mirror above his dresser. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

“Oh.” Dan said. “Nothing.” 

Ryan stalked into the bathroom. “What’s wrong with my hair!”

“Nothing! Forget I said anything.” 

Ryan opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the sound of a doorbell. Dan smiled, and his eyes widened. “I can’t do this.”

“Too late.” Dan grabbed his wrist and all about dragged him down the stairs and into the foyer. 

Before he could come up with an elaborate escape plan, Dan was opening the front door to reveal Josh. He had his hands shoved in his pockets, and was wearing a black sweater with the arms rolled up, that had a white collared shirt underneath. His hair was a lot more tame than it had been at the party, and probably was brushed and had some sort of product in it, though, it was no less bright. 

He smiled nervously at Ryan. “Hi.” 

Dan shoved Ryan forward so that he was standing only about two feet away from Josh. He blushed. “Hi.” 

“Great, now that we’ve gotten that over with,” Dan said from behind Ryan. “Have him home by midnight, and stay safe.” With no further ado, he pushed Ryan the rest of the way out the door, and closed it behind him. Ryan looked back at the door agape, and wondered when it became acceptable for him to be locked out of his own house against his will. 

“So…” Josh spoke up. “Do you like Tacos?” 

“Uh,” Ryan replied, glancing back at Josh. “Sure.”

+++

“You look nervous,” Josh said without looking away from his menu. 

Ryan startled. “Well, I mean. It’s a date.” 

Josh nodded. “Good point.” There was a brief silence. “So, do you believe in aliens?”

Ryan raised his eyebrows. It had been a very long time since he had been on a date, but he was pretty sure this wasn’t a normal first date question. “Yes..?” he responded hesitantly. 

Josh smiled. “Awesome. Glad we got that out of the way.” 

“Me too…?

“If you were stuck on a desert island and could only bring one album with you, what album would it be, and why?” Josh asked suddenly, stirring his Coke. 

Ryan blinked. “Okay first of all. Fuck you.”

Josh’s smile only grew wider. “Hmm, Okay First of All by Fuck You, I’ve never heard of that one. I’ll have to check that out.” 

Ryan took an aggressive sip of his root beer before continuing. “You can’t fucking ask a musician to pick his favorite album. Like, that’s fucking ridiculous. It changes by day, weather, mood, and age. I’m insulted that you think I’m that simple minded to have just one favorite album off the top of my head.” He took a breath after finishing, then bit his lip. “What’s yours?” 

“Americana, The Offspring.” Josh answered easily. 

Ryan was a little surprised. “Really?” 

Josh grinned, leaning forward onto the table. “When I was about twelve or thirteen, I would always go down to the music store, put on some headphones and try to figure out the drums on one of the used drum kits for sale. I used to find the most tattooed guy who worked there,” he glanced down at his arm that was covered in a full sleeve, and smiled fondly, seemingly at the memory. “I would ask for recommendations, and the first one I ever got was Americana by the Offspring. It kinda stuck I guess.” 

Ryan took in what Josh has said. He stared down at his hands, which were clasped on the table, and took in his knobby uneven knuckles. 

“When I was first trying to learn guitar, there was a music store that wasn’t too far from my house. I used to walk there everyday after school, and stare at this one guitar. It was used, and in not that great of shape, but I had never wanted anything so intensely before. I remember one day getting into it with my dad, and I ran to the store just because I didn’t know where else to go, you know? There was only one guy working, and he went to the back to check something.” Ryan swallowed thickly, meeting Josh’s eyes. “I grabbed the guitar and bolted.”

Josh never broke eye contact with him. Ryan didn’t know why he was telling him this. He had only admitted it to one person before, and that had been when he was drunk. Brendon had laughed, yelling that he was a badass, before wrapping his arms sloppily around his shoulder. Ryan didn’t want to be a badass, and he sure as hell didn’t feel like one then, when he had been sixteen, running all the way home, practically feeling his heart thudding against the pavement with each step.

Ryan’s skin crawled and he felt achingly vulnerable, something he never wanted to be. Josh just had this way about him that made Ryan want to whisper all his secrets to him, just to see his brown eyes light up, and that blindingly bright smile directed towards him. 

“Did you teach yourself?” Josh asked. 

Ryan nodded, entire body vibrating under Josh’s eyes. “Child prodigy, actually,” he croaked. 

“Shit man,” Josh grinned. “That’s awesome.”

“Yeah,” said Ryan bitterly. “Too bad nobody really gives a shit about child prodigies when they grow up.” 

Josh tilted his head, studying Ryan’s face. “I do.” 

Ryan’s heart thudded in his chest, and he couldn’t get enough of the way Josh was looking at him. The way he had all of his attention. “Do you wanna get out of here?” Ryan asked, slightly breathless. 

+++

As soon as they got to Josh’s car, Ryan jumped him. He didn’t necessarily mean to, he just knew one minute they were standing next to each other, and the next Ryan was pressing his mouth against Josh’s. He let his back hit the car, and tried to figure out where to put his hands, even though he was practically shaking. 

His entire body was thrumming and he wanted to crawl out of his own skin, and into Josh’s. It was like somebody had opened his chest, removed some of his ribs and he needed the space to be filled with anything, but preferably Josh. Ryan settled for wrapping his arms around Josh’s neck. He wanted him everywhere, and needed to feel him everywhere. He wanted to be consumed by him, and his head, and his blood was rushing with the sensation. 

After a bit, Josh pulled away, his breath tickling Ryan’s lips. “Hey,” he whispered, “hey,” he whispered again. “I got you.” 

Ryan was still shaking, and his lips were now slick with his and Josh’s spit. He hadn’t felt so intensely, yet attended to since he was seventeen; the first time someone had called him beautiful into the skin of his neck. “Sgt. Pepper’s,” he panted against Josh’s lips, pupils blown. “I would pick Sgt. Pepper’s.” 

Josh’s hands were against Ryan’s hip, and he squeezed it gently, before resting his forehead against Ryan’s. “I got you,” he whispered again, and Ryan shivered. Josh’s words tickled his ear and seemed achingly private, like Ryan and him were the only two people on the planet. 

“I’m going to drive you home,” Josh said softly. Ryan closed his eyes, and listened to Josh’s words. He had calmed down, and home sounded like a wonderful idea. Although, he didn’t mind Josh’s warmth. “And then, I’m going to hopefully kiss you again. Okay?” 

Ryan smiled smally, tightening his arms subconsciously around Josh’s neck. “Okay.” He mumbled. 

+++

Josh put the car into park. Ryan wrung his hands together in his lap. He kept replaying the moment in the parking lot over and over again, his face burning in shame. He hadn’t meant to come across so forward, but it was all he knew. Ryan opened his mouth to say something, apologize, do anything-

“I had a really nice time,” Josh said, turning to face Ryan, even though it was kind of dark, and the only light that illuminated them was the light coming from the screen on the dash, he could still see a small crinkle in Josh’s eyes. 

“I had a really nice time too.” Ryan responded, smiling a little bit despite himself. 

Josh reached his hand so that his thumb rubbed gently over Ryan’s cheekbone. His breath hitched. 

“Yeah?” Josh asked, his words quiet, causing Ryan to shiver at their personalization. 

“Yeah.” Ryan agreed without a moment of hesitance. 

“Would you want to do this again?” He asked, almost cautiously, never stopping the small movements of his thumb, and Ryan couldn’t get over the tenderness in it. 

“Yes.” Ryan said huskily. His tongue felt too big for his mouth, his head was fuzzy, and all he could focus on was the light, yet precise, strokes of Josh’s finger along the contours of his face. “I would. I would like to do this again.”

Josh grinned, biting his lip. Ryan and him stared at each other intently, and Ryan counted every loud thud of his heart against his ribcage. Even though Ryan was under scrutiny, he didn’t feel like it. It was the opposite. He felt attractive, beautiful, and everything in between. His veins were rushing with it. He had to restrain himself from doing something stupid like fluttering his eyelashes. 

The moment was broken by Josh’s face falling. Ryan felt his heart stutter, and it was almost as if someone had slammed on the breaks. Ryan’s eyes flickered almost desperately, and Josh removed his hand from Ryan’s face. It took everything in him not to grab it back. His chest clenched painfully and he wondered what he did wrong. Whatever it was he would take it back, just to feel Josh’s even, soft strokes against his skin again. 

He wanted to hurriedly pick up all the pieces that had been shattered in the breaking of their moment and glue them back together, until hands were bleeding and shaking from exertion. Ryan made a move to grab onto the car handle, and get the fuck out of there before he could embarrass himself anymore for the evening. Josh probably just wanted a quick lay, a fun date and that’s all. He didn’t sign up for the emotional roller coaster that’s involved with having an association with Ryan. 

His gesture was stopped by Josh’s words. “It’s just. We’re leaving for a couple of shows later tomorrow. We’ll be gone for about three weeks. But I really want to do this again. I really like you.” 

Ryan was blown away by his honesty, and bluntness. He wasn’t rejecting Ryan, he realized, he was just informing him that he was going to be away for a little while. He was a musician with a thriving music and touring career, of course, that was normal. Ryan felt like an idiot, and wanted to smack himself for being so attached already. Fuck. Nothing good ever comes with attachments. 

He felt like he was suspended from the empire state building with only a box of floss to hold himself up. His whole world was tilted on an axis, and he couldn’t let this be happening. He needed to protect himself, he reasoned, because if he doesn’t guard himself: nobody would. So, Ryan sucked in a breath, distanced himself mentally, and shifted a bit physically too. Then, he went in for the kill. 

“Listen,” he started. “I have a lot of baggage.” 

“Okay,” Josh replied, looking confused. “So does everyone?” 

Ryan turned a little bit more so that he could see him a little clearer. A small part of his chest clenched when he noticed how fucking cute Josh was when the skin in between his eyebrows crinkled with them furrowed. “No like.” He scratched his nose. “A lot more than everyone else. Enough so that a lot of people don’t find it worth it. Here’s your way out. No strings attached, and no hard feelings. Things inside my head get messy, and I’m giving you a chance to prevent your hands from getting dirty.”

Josh was quiet for a long time, and Ryan debated reaching for the car door again when he spoke up. “Are you done with your poetic martyrism?” 

Ryan blinked. “What?” 

“Do you know how Tyler and I met?” Josh asked, thrumming his hand against the steering wheel. Ryan had only known him for about twenty-four hours collectively, but he had already noticed that it was nervous tick of his. He drummed on practically every solid surface he came across - trait of a drummer, he supposed.

Ryan guessed he was referring to Tyler Joseph. He had never met him personally, but he had done enough panicked googling of Twenty One Pilots after Josh had asked him out to know that Tyler was their lead singer, and by extension, Josh’s best friend. “No,” he rasped. 

“I was friends with this guy, Chris. He was in a band that had put out an album and they were really taking off. I was proud of him of course, but he kept complaining about the lead singer. I went to a party, it was honestly more of a shitty get-together, with even shittier beer, and I met Tyler. We ended up clicking like some sort of platonic soulmates.”

“He was wearing a hospital bracelet, and I noticed it about halfway through the night. I remember asking about it, figuring it would be some sort of conversation topic. That’s when he told me that he was wearing it because about a week previous he had tried to off himself. I mean, half of his band didn’t even like him, he had stage fright, and ideas that were bigger than he could even fathom, why the fuck should he stick around, right?” 

Ryan’s eyes were trained on his hands in his lap. He didn’t want to look at Josh, feeling suddenly sick. 

“My point is. He had a lot of baggage. Shit man, he has a ton of baggage. But we’re people, we’re supposed to have baggage, that’s how you know we’re living. I’m more worried about people who don’t have any baggage, fears, insecurities, or fatal flaws.” Josh finished passionately. 

“You don’t know anything about me.” Ryan whispered. 

“You’re right,” Josh agreed. “I don’t. But I really fucking want to.” 

Ryan’s breath hitched and he glanced up at Josh. Josh brought his hand up so it rested against Ryan’s cheek, causing Ryan to make a small noise in the back of his throat that was almost inaudible. “Can I kiss you again?” Josh asked softly. 

Ryan swallowed a lump in his throat, before nodding. Josh leaned in slowly before pressing his lips against Ryan’s. It was chaste and soft, everything the kiss in the parking lot hadn’t been, but God, it felt more like sex than Ryan thought imaginable, and he shivered against his will. Ryan wanted to open his mouth more, and let Josh in, but before he could, Josh pulled away. 

“As soon as we get back, I want to take you out again. Okay?” 

Ryan looked into Josh’s eyes, trying to study them. He couldn’t figure it out. What did he want? Someone always wanted something. He didn’t know what was more terrifying, not being able to figure out what Josh wanted, or him not wanting anything at all. 

“Yeah I.” Ryan’s mouth felt dry. “I would like that.” 

Josh grinned. “Great. Can I have your number?” He groped around in his pockets until he pulled out his phone. Quickly unlocking it, he pulled up the contacts app and handed it over to Ryan. Ryan took it from his hands carefully, and kind of held it in awe for a second, because fuck if he would let anyone just hold his phone. Let alone someone he just met. But then again, he would probably let Josh do anything right now. 

Ryan put in his number and gave the phone back, causing Josh to smile. “Okay, I’m gonna, uh…” Ryan trailed off, gesturing towards the car door. 

“Goodnight, Ryan.” Josh said so earnestly it made something in Ryan’s stomach drop. 

“Goodnight, Josh.” He whispered, opening the door and stepping out. It was extremely dark outside, and the small building lights were hardly doing their job, causing him to frown slightly. The air was muggy, and he couldn’t help but notice it seep into his bones, causing his movements to slug as he walked in front of the car. 

He got about three feet away from the car when he heard the window roll down. “Hey Ryan?” Josh called. 

Ryan turned around quickly, his heart thudding. He found himself waiting for the punchline. For Josh to tell him that this whole thing had been a joke, and he really couldn’t handle any of his baggage. But Josh just smiled nervously, “Can I kiss you one more time?” 

Ryan blushed, and he made his way back to the car, so he was standing on the driver’s side. He wanted to hide behind his hair, even though it was dark, and nobody else was outside. He leaned down, and mock scolded him. “Okay, but this is your last one.” Then he kissed him.

It was a lot harder than the one they had shared in the car, and a lot messier. This kiss definitely deserved the nickname of swapping-spit. Ryan tilted his head a bit to get a better angle, and their mouths slotted together smoothly. Ryan bit Josh’s lip, causing him to let out a small noise from the back of his throat. 

Ryan pulled away, and could see a flicker of his spit on Josh’s lips. He also felt it a bit on his own, and his face flushed. His cheeks burned and he gave Josh a small awkward wave, before turning around a high-tailing it into his building. 

He could still feel the blush when he opened the door to his apartment, and saw Dan sitting on his couch, watching his TV. “Hey,” Dan said, flicking off the TV and turning around. “How was the date?” 

Ryan’s blush probably intensified by a thousand when he realized he still had some of Josh’s spit on his lips. He was about to open his mouth to speak, but he felt his phone buzz in his back pocket. He opened it to see that a strange number had already texted him with: _I’m about to drive home, but I wanted to text you first. Hi :)_

Ryan grinned dopily over the messaged, and held his thumbs over the keypad trying to think of something to reply with. He almost wanted to shake his head that Josh used the old-school emoticon so unironically. But was caught off guard by how much Josh _would_ use that. Of _course_ he would. 

Dan cleared his throat, and Ryan looked up guiltily, eyes wide. He felt like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Dan only smirked at him. “So,” he said, looking from over the couch. “Lukewarm date, or a good thing.” 

Ryan was going to say something biting, or perhaps sarcastic, but he couldn’t help but glance at his phone screen again, deciding on: “A good thing.”

**Author's Note:**

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